May 26th, 2017

Funeral smack

​​Funeral smack
I recently attended a friend’s father’s funeral, I had only met him a couple of times but felt I wanted to go to the funeral to be present for my friend.
The service was held at the crematorium where our daughter’s ash`s lay. On our way into the service I stopped to show my friend who was attending the funeral also to support our friend where our daughter was at the crematorium. We stopped by her beautiful waterfall garden saying hi and then moving on to the service.
My friend asked was I ok attending the service seen as it was at the crematorium I assured it was as I frequently visited our daughter over the years.
It was sad to see our friend so sad to have lost her father who she loved dearly. I love the PowerPoint of photo`s families share at services. It is a beautiful snap shot of the life they lived.
As the service ended and a familiar experience occurred which rocked me to the core.
As they drew the curtains across the casket I was overwhelmed with emotion and memories came flooding back.
I remember the curtains closing and the over whelming feeling I had at our daughter’s service of the urge to scream out no stop don`t close those curtains I’m not ready for this to end.
I found myself arguing in my head with myself. You don`t know this guy that well. You need to face this, it’s been 22years, why are you reacting to this? I tried to look again but with every second my chest got tighter and my throat swelled I felt I couldn’t breathe. I had to get out. I’m not a runner but I didn’t want to end up on the floor either. I bolted outside and found a waterfall and fanned myself and told myself you’re ok breath this will pass it`s ok to feel these emotions, you know at times you will be caught unaware and this is just a reminder that you can’t control everything and its ok to feel broken at times.
My friend found me and put her arm around me and sat well stood in the space with me and I felt my breathing settle into oh yes, I can breathe and I won’t fall over from a lack of oxygen.
Nothing is more precious than a friend who can just be with you in tough times without saying anything or try to make you feel better.
It has been 22years since our baby left our arms of safety but the memories stay as near and dear as yesterday even if at times they catch us unaware.
Allowing emotions to rise and sitting and processing them is perfectly, it is a sign of a balance of feelings. Give yourself permission to honour who you are and the journey you have been on. Your wounds of the past don’t define who you are but create the beautiful soul that you are. Life lessons are gifts to honour even if they don’t feel like it at the time. Share your journey. Xoxox Deb

Support for You